Monday, February 28, 2011

Jesus and Divorce- Why so harsh???


Sermon

In 1999, the Barna research group released a comprehensive report that studied the relationship between religious beliefs and divorce rates. The report found that "We rarely find substantial differences" between the moral behavior of Christians and non-Christians. Barna Project Director Meg Flammang said: "We would love to be able to report that Christians are living very distinct lives and impacting the community, but ... in the area of divorce rates they continue to be the same."

Given the high divorce rate, both among Christians and society as a whole, Jesus’ teachings on marriage and divorce may be among the most difficult and emotional to discuss. The process of ending a marriage can result in festering wounds for the couple who legitimately believed their marriage would last till death, for the children who see their family torn apart, and for the friends and family whose loyalty is now called into question as they are forced to pick sides.

And thus, when reading the sermon on the mount, I was particularly struck by the 32nd verse of chapter 5- But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.What a seemingly harsh and condemning statement by Jesus. What makes it worse is that many experts consider that Matthew has actually liberalizedJesusoriginal message. You see, Matthew reports that Jesus says that divorce can be justified in cases of adultery. Luke and Mark, however, remember it differently- Luke 16:18 and Mark 10:11Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. Between the three, experts believe it is most likely that Matthew softened the original saying of Jesus so that it would be more understandable and acceptable to the community for whom he was writing. So, how are we to understand this seemingly impossible demand by Jesus?

First, we have got to understand a little bit better the context of marriage in Jesus and the ancient Israelites’ time. Though many will claim that marriage is an eternal, unchanging institution, the reality is that our understanding of marriage is significantly different than that at the time of the Bible. Rather than a relationship primarily based on mutual love, marriage was in many senses an economic transaction in which the security of woman would be bought by becoming faithful to one man. Marriage contracts were typically decided between men- either the fathers of the two to be married, or by the groom with the father of the bride. Woman had little if any right to pick their partners, and they almost always were forbidden to hold title to land or a business. This is why scripture is particularly concerned about the widow- without her husband, she must rely on the generosity of others to survive.

So, if and when a marriage ended, the woman involved lost all economic security. Furthermore, sense she was no longer a virgin, the prospects of her finding a new mate to take care of her with extremely slim. If she was lucky, she could return to her father’s house and hope to be taken care of. If she was unlucky, she was confined to an existence of extreme poverty likely resulting in an early death.
Unfortunately for the woman, she had virtually no say in either starting or ending a marriage. The man, not the woman, had the right to give a bill of divorce. The passage from Deuteronomy that Kay read today, probably sounds harsh to our ears- “Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house;” but believe it or not, this is actually a feminist manifesto for its time. Instead of men having the unlimited right to divorce, the book of Deuteronomy legislates that there must be grounds for divorce that will stand up in court; that proper procedures must be followed throughout all proceedings; and that divorce and remarriage are subject to restrictions regarding another marriage partner.

Though love could of course be part of these marriages, the law and custom essentially treated women as a commodity. Divorce essentially was a part of buying and selling that commodity.
It is in this scenario that Jesus’ statement must be heard. Rather than endorsing this worldview, he instead objects to what amounts to the abandonment of woman. Furthermore, the restrictions on remarriage help to break down that commodity process- if a man cannot trade in his wife for a new one, he are less likely to abandon their first wife.

However, even if we understand that Jesus is speaking in a historical context about a historical institution, what does that mean for us today? Does Jesus’ statement simply not apply? This is where it gets tricky- you see, Jesus grounds his understanding of marriage in the creation story of Genesis- “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Furthermore, if we examine marriage from the perspective of the bible as a whole, I think it is fair to say that the bulk of the tradition is that marriage is “relationship in which companionship and a variety of physical and spiritual needs are met and in which personal identity is formed and personal growth takes place and that this relationship should continue until it is broken only by death.” (Pastoral Care Emergencies)

Throughout the sermon the mount, we have tried to read between the lines. We have claimed that in examining the law, Jesus is always pointing towards God wider purpose in creation- the law was to help to foster relationships between God and our neighbor. Here, there can be no doubt that Jesus is affirming the view that it is God’s plan that when we enter into marriage, God desires for those marriages to stand the test of time and to continue until death.

But, what then are to believe about God’s will for our lives if and when we are faced with the prospect of divorce, or of remarriage. Are we really to believe that it is God’s will that every marriage should never end and that every divorced person should never remarry?

One pastor who I know and respect says that he feels like it is always his role to counsel toward preserving a marriage. He has said while he would welcome and love all people who chose otherwise, he didn’t feel like scripture ever permitted him to counsel people to get a divorce. I understand and respect his position. It is certainly one valid interpretation of the scriptures and God’s call for our role as pastors.

I must say, though, I disagree. My role as a pastor is to help those in front of me discern what God may be calling them to do in their lives given the complexities involved and the competing value systems. In a vacuum, I can say that God desires our marriages to last. But Jesus also proclaimed he had come so that we could have life, and life abundant. What happens if having a divorce and living into “the abundant life” come into conflict? What if staying in the marriage maintains a serious risk of harm to our bodies or to our souls?

We are called elsewhere to care for our children and to bring them up in the best environment possible- but what if that conflicts with maintaining a marriage? And what about the ministry God calls us into? Are we to assume we cannot serve God, either as laity or clergy, if we have been divorced or have remarried?

Living into the kingdom of God is not a simple thing, nor is obeying God simplistic. Competing values will mean that Christians have to make difficult choices in morally gray areas. We will have to listen and pray hard to understand God’s will for our lives in these times. And, I do believe, that given the range of circumstances we face in life, God’s will at times will be to end a hopelessly flawed and destructive marriage. That is one reason I agree with our Social Principals when they state- “God’s plan is for lifelong, faithful marriage. The church must be on the forefront of premarital, marital, and postmarital counseling in order to create and preserve strong marriages. However, when a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness.”

The good news is that, while Jesus’ statement seems harsh, it was spoken by the Son of God who exudes mercy and grace in all that he did and does. In the forth chapter of John, Jesus meets a woman at the well who has had five husbands and is currently living with a man out of wedlock. This certainly violates every single thing Jesus has proclaimed about marriage. While Jesus notes this fact, he doesn’t say a word of condemnation to her. Instead he asks her to believe in him, and in fact, sends her out to evangelize. Is Jesus being hypocritical here- no. His desire was never to crush people‘s spirits, but nurture them into living a more abundant life. We as Christians need to learn from this- all too often those who have been faced with divorce have found the church to be a place of judgment rather than grace. Whether you conclude it is ethical or not to have a divorce, that judgment must not be forced upon someone else. Jesus lived out the example- so that when someone faces a difficult decision like whether to end a marriage, a relationship, or a friendship, they can trust that God’s love and presence will be there through it all.

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